The celebration of Festivus begins with The Airing of Grievances. I'll go first.
1. I'm angry at G. Gordon Liddy. Not because of the Watergate thing. I'm over that. Because I find his commercials for Rosland Capital intimidating, and I always end up buying more gold every time I see him on TV. His commercials should be
preceded by this warning: "The following message contains material that is
coercive and is intended only for wealthy viewers who are not easily hypnotized."
2. Minimalism is underrated and under-funded.
3. Tomatoes and bananas don't taste as good as they used to. In fact, nowadays they taste alike to me. Their color is the only thing that keeps tomatoes off my Cheerios, and bananas out of the bacon sandwiches, but I don't suppose it would matter, anyway. I think I'll switch up, just to see.
4. "Doonesbury" isn't funny anymore. I never could keep the characters straight. Which one is Doonesbury?
5. I wear extra-medium t-shirts, and I can never find my size.
CLICK ON THE COMMENTS BUTTON TO AIR YOUR OWN GRIEVANCES! HAPPY FESTIVUS!
What does this mean for the future of ketchup?
ReplyDeleteStop! You're making me sick!
ReplyDeleteI have two grievances: 1) I couldn't post a comment to your blog, but most importantly, 2) I have a trash can that has a hole in the bottom of it and need to throw the can away. How does that work?
ReplyDeleteGenetic engineering of food products...didn't someone warn us about that?
ReplyDeleteAND...minimilism is underrated....I really wish I'd thought to say that! Bravo!
UP
Naturally, the garbage man won't understand, so you must do this: Cut the can into strips and shove it down the garbage disposal. That will solve all your problems. As to your first grievance, try it again. If it still doesn't work, just let me know by posting a comment.
ReplyDelete